yep, that’s me, the BIGGEST LOSER. i don’t know what my plans are. i don’t know what i want. hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako andito eh. nakakainis. i feel so helpless and hopeless. nasasaktan. naguguluhan. hindi ko alam kung anong dapat maramdaman. uunahin ko bang idown yung sarili ko o babangon na ko at kikilos? of course, i know what needs to be done pero pinangungunahan ako ng takot. sabi nga ni Kiney, FEAR is not from God pero i’m choosing to be scared. pathetic ko, right? sabi rin ni boss, “What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” and yet i’m still chosing to stay down, which means I’M A FAILURE. yeah, i know. walang maitutulong ang mag-self pity. pero what can i do? i know what to do pero something’s holding me back. i’ve failed God for a million times already. i’m so sorry, Lord.

i miss singing for God. i miss serving. i miss the youth. i miss my ministry. i miss the church kung san ako tinawag para maglingkod. i miss having an intimate relationship with my King. i want to come back in His arms. ayoko nang lumayo. ayoko nang tumakbo palayo.

masaya ako para sa youth kasi active sila ngayon. nakakatuwa na yung mga babies namin dati, malalaki na sila at part na talaga sila ng youth. ang nakakalungkot, active sila dahil wala ako. pakiramdam ko pag andun ako, mahahatak ko lang sila pababa instead of leading them closer to God. na mangangako na naman ako for the nth time na hindi na ko mawawala tapos after a month or so, wala na naman si ate jekka. LOC na naman. last year na to ng term ko and yet wala parin akong nagagawa para sa youth. puro pangako na lagi nalang napapako. i’m tired of failing them. i envy those people who doesn’t have personal issues like me. kasi walang naghhold back sa kanila. nakakainis na nagpapaapekto ako sa mga issues. gusto ko nalang kasi matahimik. gusto ko nalang makapagserve nang walang taong nagsasalita sa likod ko. yung pinagtsitsismisan ako. bakit kasi may mga ganun? at sila pa yung mga nakakapagstay sa church. nakakainis. at ako nagpapaapekto. hindi naman kasi madali yun. hay. hindi ko na alam.

Lord, take me back to Your arms..

why do i feel like this? why do i always feel that i’m a bad person? can anybody tell me why? i have always felt this way. sa lahat ng relationships na pinasukan ko, i’ve always carried this burden. i’ve always blamed myself. gasgas na gasgas na nga yung tanong na yun. wala parin naman kasi akong makuhang sagot. even sa family ko, feeling ko black sheep ako. feeling ko ang bad bad ko. na sakit ako sa ulo ng lola at nanay ko. i can’t blame them. maraming beses akong naging pasaway. maraming beses napasakit ang ulo nila. i’m sorry.
 

bakit ako andito? i’ve been asking Him for so long kung bakit ako yung andito sa posisyong to. kung bakit ako yung nilagay Nya dito. dahil strong ako? e ano naman?! e wala namang nadudulot na maganda. bago ko pa Siya talikuran, tinatanong ko na Siya kung bakit pero wala akong makuhang sagot o siguro sinasagot na Niya ko pero hindi ko lang iniintindi o ayaw ko lang intindihin. hindi ko na alam iisipin ko. bakit ganun? kahit na tina-try ko yung best ko na maipakita sa iba na mahal ko sila, hindi nila maramdaman yun. bat yung opposite yung nakikita nila. nagdududa na tuloy ako sa sarili ko. kung totoo pa ba yung mga sinasabi at ginagawa ko. pati ako nawalan na ng tiwala sa sarili ko. ayoko nang magsabi ng “andito lang ako” kasi baka hindi naman totoo. na baka sinasabi ko lang yun para mapagaan yung pakiramdam nung tao pero pag nag-oopen na sakin, inaaway ko naman o hindi ko naman alam gagawin ko. bakit ganun? bakit ganun ako? ganun ba talaga ko? ayoko naring magsabi ng “mahal kita” o kahit ano pang mag-iinvolve ng feelings o emotion kasi baka hindi naman totoo. na baka dine-deceive ko lang kayong lahat pati sarili ko.

hindi ako nagse-self-pity o kung anuman. nilalabas ko lang yung nararamdaman ko. nilalabas ko lang yung mga tanong ko. hanggang kailan ganito? hanggang kailan ko iisipin na masama akong tao? kahit sinong magsabi sakin na hindi ako masamang tao, hindi ako maco-convince. kasi kahit ilang beses nyo ulit-ulitin na hindi ako masamang tao, iba yung nakikita at nararamdaman ko. sa mga nangyayari sa inyong lahat dahil sakin, patunay yun lahat na masama ako.

bakit ba kasi ang strong strong ko? strong nga ba o nagtatapang-tapangan lang? dahil ba deprived ako dati nung andun ako sa relasyong yun? dahil ba hindi ako nakakalaban nun kaya ngayon lahat kinakalaban ko? pagod na pagod na ko. ayoko na. ayoko nang makaramdam ng kahit ano. ayoko nang makaapekto ng kahit na sino. ayoko nang masisi na dahil sakin kaya sila naging ganito o ganyan. gusto ko nalang mag-isa. kung pwede lang ibalik yung dati. kung pwede lang sana.

gustong-gusto ko nang malaman yung mga sagot sa tanong ko pero pano? hindi ko na alam gagawin. hindi ko na alam kung san ako tatakbo. ayokong tumakbo pabalik sa Kanya, hindi dahil hindi na Niya ko matatanggap pero ayoko nalang ulit masaktan Siya. mahal na mahal ko Siya pero natatakot na kong masaktan at mabigo ko ulit Siya. ayoko nang maging ako. ayoko na.

Sulat ni Inay at Itay

Sa aming pagtanda, unawain at pagpasensyahan mo sana kami, anak…
Kung makatapon kami ng sabaw sa hapag kainan
O kaya makabasag ng pinggan
Huwag mo naman sana kaming kagagalitan
Dala lang yun ng kalabuan ng mata at ng namamanhid naming mga daliri…
Pinagalitan ka man sa mga baso’t pinggang iyong nabasag noon bata ka pa,
Iyon ay dahil ayaw naming masugatan ka….

Kung ang mga sinasabi mo’y di maintindihan at madinig
Wag mo naman sana kaming sabihan ng “Bingi!”
Humihina na talaga ang aming pandinig
Pakiulit lang nang malakas-lakas na di naman kailangang sigawan
Upang tayo ay magkaunawaan…

Kung mabagal na kaming maglakad at di na makasabay sa mabilis mong paglakad
Pakiantay sana at alalayan—mahihina na ang aming mga tuhod
Alalay na tulad sana nung musmos ka pa at nag-aaral ka pa lang maglakad
Tuwang tuwa ka naming pinagmamasdan…

Kung minsang makulit at pauli-ulit ang aming sinasabi na parang sirang plaka,
Wag mo sana kaming pagtawanan o kainisan
Ganyan ka rin kakulit noong bata ka pa at nag-iiyak pa—
Kapag nagpapabili ng kung anu-ano’y di kami tinitigilan
Hangga’t ang gusto mo’y di naibibigay…

Kung kinatatamaran namin na maligo at nag-aamoy lupa na
Wag mo naman sanang pandirihan at piliting maligo…
Mahina na kasi ang aming katawan pag nalalamigan.
Natatandaan mo ba noong bata ka pa?
Kahit anung dungis mo
Ay masayang masaya ka naming hinahalikan
At matiyagang hinahabol sa ilalim ng kama upang paliguan…

Kung palagi kaming masungit at nagsisisigaw
Dala na siguro ito ng pagkabagot sa bahay
At pagkadismaya na wala nang magawa at wala nang silbi
Ipadama mo naman sana na may halaga pa rin kami sa mundo mo….
Katulad ng pagpapadama namin noon ng pagpapahalaga At pagtutuwid sa kamalian at katigasan ng iyong ulo…

Kung may konti ka mang panahon, mag-kwentuhan naman

sana tayo…
Alam kong abala ka sa trabaho pero sabik na kaming makausap ka.
Gusto naming malaman mo na interesado pa rin kami sa mga kwento mo tulad
nung pagbibida mo sa eskwela noong bata ka pa.
Na kahit pautal-utal pa ang salita mo ay nakikinig kaming masaya tungkol sa iyong mga laruan.

Kung kami man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan dahil hindi na makabangon
Wag mo sanang pagagalitan o pandidirihan.
Katulad ng walang reklamo naming paggising nang kahit anong pagod sa gabi
Upang linisin at palitan ang lampin para maginhawa kang makatulog …hindi na baling kami ang mapuyat.

Kung kami’y maratay sa banig ng karamdaman
Wag mo sana kaming pagsawaang alagaan…
Gaya ng matiyaga naming pag-aalaga noong musmos ka pa.
Bawat daing mo noon ay hirap na dinadala sa aming kalooban
Pagtyagaan mo naman sana kaming alagaan sa aming mga huling sandali.
Kami naman ay di na rin magtatagal….
AT kapag dumating na ang takdang panahon ng aming pagharap sa Dakilang Lumikha…,
Ibubulong at hihilingin namin sa Kanya.
Na pagpalain ka dahil naging mapagmahal at maalaga kang anak sa iyong ama’t ina.
Mahal na mahal ka namin, anak….

EFESO 6:2-3
                    "Igalang mo ang iyong ama at ina." Ito ang unang utos na may kalakip na pangakong "Ikaw ay giginhawa at hahaba ang iyong buhay sa lupa."

> 1.Nawawalan ba madalas ng connection ang pc mo?
> __oo. asar.
>
> 2.Kontento ka naman sa line nyo?
> __wala ako magagawa.
>
> 3.May tugtog ba ngayon?
> __meron. 80s-90s dance songs..
>
> 4.Ano?
> __always!
>
> 5.May naalala ka?
> __yes! universal motion dancers! hahaha!
>
> 6.Lyrics nga nyan?
> __"always.. i wanna be with you.. and make believe with you…"
>
> 7.Masama bang takasan ang problema?
> __hmmm.. oo?
>
> 8.E kung nakabuntis ka tatakasan mo?
> __huh? pano naman ako makakabuntis?! rar! pag ako ang nabuntis, hmm, lagot!
>
> 9.Trip mo ba summer?
> __no. ang init eh. hehe. pero pde na nga rin.
>
> 10.Ano madalas na ginagawa mo pag summer?
> __wala! umm, pwdeng ano nalang gusto kong gawin? lol. gusto ko magswimming! turuan mo nga ako!
>
> 11.Nasiraan ka na ba ng makina ng sasakyan sa gitna ng daan?
> __wala akong sasakyan eh. enge muna.
>
> 12.Badtrip yun no?
> __oo.
>
> 13.Ano masasabi mo kay "Camille Prats"?
> __cute ng baby nya, haha kay camille nga e noh?!
>
> 14.Masakit ba ipagpalit sa iba?
> __OO NAMAN! sino ba naman matutuwa pag pinagpalit sya?!
>
> 15.Lalo na kung tiwala kang mahal ka, yun pala hindi?
> __awts! :’(
>
> 16.Ilan beses mo na naranasan?
> __hmmm.. hahahaha!!
>
> 17.Bitter ka ba?
> __amapalaya ba ko? wooo.. hahah
>
> 18.Huling taong nasampal mo?
> __di ko lam.
>
> 19.Kung may sasaktan ka sino sya?
> __wala. yoko ng nakakasakit! :’(
>
> 20.Nag-attemp ka na ba magsuicide?
> __haha.. tatawa nalang ako! lol
>
> 21.Lagi ka ba dito sa tagalog-survey?
> __ha? umm, di naman.
>
> 22.Ilan beses ka kung magpost ng survey?
> __depende.
>
> 23.Kung mawawalan ng bulletin ang friendster, okay lang?
> __ayaw. lungkot. hehe
>
> 24.Boring ba dyan?
> __hindi naman.. nagpapatugtog ako eh
>
> 25.Anti-boredom na din to no?
> __survey? pde.
>
> 26.Kung may gusto kang makita ngayon, sino sya?
> __woowoo..ikaw! sino p ba?!
>
> 27.May nasabi ka ba dis past few weeks na napagsisihan mo,bat mo nasabi?
> __oo :’( sowee..
>
> 28.Like mo ba mga candle scent?
> __nah.
>

honest no matter what…
Who were your last 3 texts from?
~ kin, chelly, jinky
Where was your default picture taken?
~ sa room ko.
What’s your middle initial?
~ D
Your current relationship status?
~ it’s complicated. lol
Does your crush like you back?
~ yeah. hahaha!
What is your current mood?
~ i’m currently having mood swings. lol. joke. haha
What color shirt are you wearing?
~ pink
What’s the color of your nail polish?
~ wala
If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
~ hmmm.. wala nalang..
Where was the last place out of town that you went to?
~ nko,cant remember!
Ever had a near death experience?
~ yeah. many times na.
Things you do a lot.
~ text. sleep. eat. rar. haha
Do you have a 20Php?
~ yeah. yun nalang pera ko hahaha
Who can you tell anything to?
~ sayo.
Name someone with the same birthday as you?
~ johanna rose v. blazo
When was the last time you cried?
~ nko, kelan lang un ah.
Are you for or against abortion?
~ naman!
If you could have super power(s) what would it be?
~ invisibility, makapag-teleport, makalipad, power para mafreeze yung time, magkaron ng maraming jekka tas yung original, para sayo lang.. yeee.. haha
What is your favorite number?
~ seben. piptin. eyt. twenti wan. twenti.
What is the quote you’re living by now?
~ hindi quote eh. verse. Philippians 4:13
Favorite color?
~ apol green
What is one thing that annoys you?
~ init.
Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
~ yeah.
Drinking at the moment?
~ nah
Do you speak any other language?
~ nah
What’s your favorite food?
~ patatas.
Describe your life?
~ malungkot na masaya
Have any tattoos?
~ nah
What are you looking forward to the most?
~ marami eh. tamad ako magtype haha. eto nalang, WORK!
What are you thinking about right now?
~ kelan ako ulit magwwork.
What should you be doing?
~ sleeping,
Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
~ myself.
What are you listening to?
~ whomp there it is!
Do you like working in the yard?
~ kung meron kami nun. lol
If you could have any surname in the world, what would it be?
~ GATES. WINFREY. hahaha woowoo
Do you act differently around the person you like?
~ nah. i can be me whenever i’m with the person
Why did you cry last time?
~ kasi eh.
How old are you?
~ twenteen.. hahah.. twenty and a half! hahah

1. The best place to cry?
*** sa tahimik at madilim na lugar. yung walang makakakita sakin. pde rin sa harap ng salamin. hahaha!
2. The THING you love the most?
*** my pooh, my fon, my cam
3. Your dream last night?
*** dami eh.
4. Ever hated someone so bad?
*** yeah
5. Want to be someone else than
yourself?
*** nah. i’m happy bein me
6. Ever slapped someone?
*** yeah
7. The last time you cried?
*** dko na maalala eh.
8. Bf/Gf?
*** ano?
9. The last mall you went to?
*** galle.
11. Biggest lie you said today?
*** wala.
12. What do you want to eat right now?
*** dko lam eh.. kahit ano.. antakaw ko ngayon! waaa…
13. Where are you at now?
*** room.
14. Have you ever failed a subject at
school?
*** nah. pasang-awa. haha.
15. What is on your mind right now?
*** work.
16. Honestly, who are you chatting
with online right now?
*** none.
17. Have you brushed your teeth today?
*** yeah
18. What are your plans this weekend?
*** la pa eh.
19. How about next month?
*** work.. *hopefully*
20. What are you scared of?
*** lightning. frogs. being betrayed.
21. Are you a good cook?
*** tsaka ko na sasagutin yan pag nakatapos na ko sa CCA!
22. Are you on a diet?
*** nah. di ko kailangan yun.
23. What makes you feel good?
*** eat and sleep. lol hahaha parang bichang lang ah. hahaha! joke lang sagot na yan ha. haha
24. The last thing you did before answering this survey.
*** search ng kanta.
25. What will you be doing after this?
*** hanap pa ibang survey.

1.have you ever lost your cellphone?
– yeah.
.
2.Do you eat ice-cream even if it’s
raining?
– yeah sarap nun!
.
3.Have you ever dated two people at
once?
– i don’t date. lol
.
4.Do good things come to those who
wait?
– yeah
.
5.If you have a time machine, do you
travel to the future or past?
– past pero papanoorin ko lang yung mga dinaanan ko..
.
6.How was your first time with that
someone you love?
– ha?! first time ano?!
.
7.Do you smoke cigarette?
– nah. hate it.
.
8.Do you ask your friend’s opinion
before you buy something?
– haha. yep!
.
9.Have you ever whistled at a girl/boy
before?
– yeah. pero trip trip lang.
.
10.Have you ever danced around in your
room naked?
– i can’t. kasama ko si lola eh. haha
.
11.Do you have a nickname for your
sweetie?
– yeeeheee..
.
12.Would you ever audition
for ‘American Idol’?
– nah.
13.Can you wiggle your nose?
– nah.
.
14.Have you ever stolen someone else’s
sweetie?
– hahahaha.. pwede ako tumawa?!?!?!?
.
15.How do you end a phone call with
someone you dislike?
– ha? cge na, babye!
.
16.Have you hug someone this past few days…
– yeah
.
17.(Have you/would you) ever throw a
party when your parents aren’t home?
– hmmm.. if they’re gone for days..
18.Have you ever gotten back with an
ex?
– nah.
19.Do you like gossip?
– hahahahah.. gossip girl xoxo!
.
20.Are you ticklish?
– minsan. ha?! hahaha
.
21.Do your parent(s) keep a gun in the
house?
– nah.
23.How often do you lie?
– hindi naman often!
.
24.Do you plan for your outfits?
– minsan.
.
25.Do you keep your sweetie’s stuff
after you break up?
– hmmmm..
.
26. Have you ever kissed a gay?
– sa cheek lang.
.
27.Should gay marriage be legal?
– hmmm..di pde un diba? no offense sa gays..
.
28.Does shopping make you feel better?
– hell yeah. hahaha
29.Can a person be possesed by a devil?
– hmmm.. di ko alam..
30.Have you ever made the first move?
– hahaha! pwede ulit tumawa?!?!
.
31.Do you think there’s life on other
planets?
– ewan.
34.Haha or lol?
– both!
35.Are old friends better than new
ones?
– hmmm parehas lang.
36.Do you do your own laundry?
– yes
.
37.Do you know how to read music notes?
– ndi masyado.
.
38.Do you listen to the same music as
your parents?
– no.

The way to win your heart?
** secret. bat ko sasabihin?!
What did you do last night?
** download ng kanta.
do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
** nah.
Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend?
** nah.
One song thats meaningful to you?
** reaching out.
Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
** twirl!
Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
** no! i don’t drink milk! eww
How long is your hair?
** di ko lam eh. pakimeasure nga.
Do you like Batman?
** no
Who was the last person who told you they loved you?
** kin.
Addicted to anything?
** you! naks! gumaganun!
What were you last listening to in the car?
** ..
Do you like anyone now?
** hell yeah
When was the last time you sang out loud?
** kanina lang.
What did you have for breakfast?
** wala. tanghali na ko nagising.
Is your birthday on a holiday?
** no.
What instant messaging service do you use?
** YM
Can you cook?
** a little.
Did you have a nap today?
** yeah.
What was the reason you got in trouble last?
** hmmm..
What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
** jeans.
When is your birthday?
** dec 15
Do you swear a lot?
** no.
Where did you get the shirt(s) you’re wearing?
** sa sampayan. lol
Do you have any regrets?
** nah.
What’s the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
** mata.
What was your first alcoholic drink?
** green mango margarita. secret lang un ha. lol
Do you want something you can’t have?
** yeah
What color are your favorite shoes?
** brown. white.
Who would you like to see right now?
** ikaw lang.

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4×5KZ3PSr0k&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4×5KZ3PSr0k&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

just a repost:

one of the reasons why people get so sentimental is because memories are the only things that don’t change when everything else does.. there are things in life that you can’t hold on to forever no matter how much you fight for it.. sometimes destiny isn’t always good, it becomes playful.. when you meet someone you learned to love, you thought that it was destiny who made your paths cross but what if making your paths cross is just a part of the game that the playful destiny create? making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn’t really
meant to stay.. but only destined to make you feel loved and leave you when you’ve already fallen.. it’s not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love some might think it’s just an excuse, some might not actually believe.. some will blame you.. some might even be mad at you what they don’t see is the fact that it hurts you even more to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt especially when you can’t actually state the reason why you have to leave you can never own something that was never yours so let’s stop gripping on things we expect to last forever.. nothing lasts forever. forever is a lie. everything is transitory. so while you have something in your hand, put in mind that it’s just borrowed.. so that someday when it’s gone, it won’t take you eternity just to let it go.. when your feelings get strong for someone it’s always wise to stop for a while and give your heart a time to breathe.. a time to use your mind to weigh the situation based on reason not on emotions because the sadddest thing that can happen is when one falls in love while the other wants nothing more than friendship.. love can sometimes be magic but magic can sometimes be an illusion.. there are times when i wish that i was limited to certain emotions so that i’ll never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed
or disappointed and never get my fragile heart broken but the same thing means
that i’ll never know how it feels to love and be loved in return.. the thought of it kind of scares me.. to have a heart that’s whole but numb or a heart that’s broken but real.. someday we’ll all be looking back to those days we learned to love, get hurt,
cry and fight.. maybe when that time comes, we’ll be laughing at our old dumb selves
realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things we knew weren’t really meant for us but i guess learning takes time, and mistakes make one’s journey fun.. life is what we make it.. love makes the world go round.. so let’s live, love and take whatever pain it brings though it’s hard to wait around for something that i know will never happen.. it’s harder to stop when i know it’s everything i’ve always wanted
but you know what? i’m glad.. i’m glad it happened..

guys, thank you sa lahat!! sa memories mula pa nung CCT.. sa tawa.. sa bonding.. sa photo shoot.. sa kulitan.. sa mga punchline.. sa friendship.. thank you sa pagccomfort sakin kanina.. thank you sa mga naging ate at kuya ko.. :’) hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan wave natin! tayo nyo bandera ng wave natin ha? i’ll pray for you guys! galingan nyo sa transition.. wala nang mga papery at pikon ha? para lahat masaya.. update ko kayo kung magkikita-kita pa tayo.. hehe..

nics, may and jc.. ANG CERTIFIED CYBERWORKZ.. thanks sa friendship! mamimiss ko kayo sobra.. sorry tatlo nalang kayo ha? hatak nalang kayo ng isa pa.. thanks sa bonding! i lab u guys! text2 nalang ha? thanks sa lahat ng tulong sa mga wbts.. hehe..

pauly, bern, tobey.. tnx sa mga punchline nyo! tnx kasi hindi ako inantok sa PST dahil sa inyo.. pagpatuloy nyo lang yan para masaya ang buong team..

jay, gov, mike, john, dra, ritchard (kung nasan ka man hehe), junnie, raffy, rain, jm, phillip, josh, maj.. thanks sa mga naging kabiruan at kakwentuhan ko.. hindi ko man naging super kaclose kayong lahat, syempre hindi ko kayo makakalimutan.. pagbutihin nyong lahat ha!

jabaj,, thank you sa lahat! sa coaching.. sa pasensya sa wave namin.. tsaka sa paglaban para sakin sa berlitz.. hehe.. thank you!

I LOVE YOU, WAVE 5.1.8 FAMILY KO!! see you around.. mwah mwah!!

lab lab,
jekka

I’ve
been engaged in reading lately. I dunno why. I just felt like reading
and I’m happy for myself that I was able to finish two books in three
days. Well, that’s an achievement for somebody like me.
Hindi kasi talaga ako bookworm. Hindi ako palabasa. Dati, pag nagbabasa
ako, mabilis akong antukin lalo na pag hindi ko naman gusto yung
binabasa ko. It’s been a while mula nung nakapagbasa ako. If I’m not
mistaken, Who Moved My Cheese? ang huli kong nabasa.. Ay, ewan ko na nga ba.. Andami pa nga ring books na hindi ko pa tapos basahin (I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Love Is A Choice, Hope Again).
Puro hanggang gitna palang nababasa ko.. Yung iba nga, hindi pa ko
umabot sa gitna. Ewan ko. Parang pag bigla akong nahipan ng hangin,
bigla ko nalang mararamdaman na gusto kong magbasa. Hay. Abnormal noh? Tapos kahapon, bumili kami ni Nanay ng 3 pang libro. (Wuthering Heights, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Pearl).
Wawa naman ako noh? Hindi ko pa nababasa yung Huckleberry Finn though
alam ko na story nun dahil napanood ko na. E kasi nga hindi naman ako
bookworm.

Share ko lang.. Eto yung dalawang books na nabasa ko:
April 30, May 2 - By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho
Nabasa
ko ‘to sa Bestsellers. Habang nagpapatay ng oras. Hinihintay si Ate.
Nag-iisip kung magpapasa na ng pre-employment requirements. Hindi ko
natapos nung April 30 kasi wala na akong time. Tapos na shift ni Ate at
kailangan ko nang magpasa ng requirements. May 2 ko na natapos. Saan?
Sa Bestsellers ulit. Habang nagpapatay ulit ng oras. Akala ko nga
nakalimutan ko na agad yung story. Akala ko hindi gagana yung long-term
memory ko. Hmm.. Love story sya na may pagka-eccentric. Inintroduce nya
yung "feminine side" daw ni God. At some point, medyo naguluhan ako
pero may mga natutunan din ako.  Susulat ko nga dapat yung ilang sa mga
lines mula dun sa novel kaya lang nakita ako nung guard. Bawal daw yun.
(Sorry naman po.)
Eto yung ilan: (hindi porket sinulat ko dito, ibig sabihin nag-aagree
ako sa lahat ha? Ishe-share ko lang.. Kayo na bahala kung magco-comment
kayo.)

• The heart decides and what it decides is all that matters.
• True love is an act of total surrender.
• The more we love, the more we come to spiritual experience.
• You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.
• Love
  is like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a
  trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the
  whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of
  the current.
• Love is a trap, when it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.
• "I
  wish I were with someone who could bring peace to my heart - someone
  with whom I could spend a little time without being afraid that I would
  lose him the next day. With that reassurance, the time would pass more
  slowly. We could be silent for a while because we’d know we have the
  rest of our lives together for conversation. I wouldn’t have to worry
  about serious matters, about difficuolt decisions and hard words.."
• “a
  kiss born by the rivers of our childhood when we didn’t yet know what
  love meant…in the moment of that kiss were years of searching,
  disillusionment and impossible dreams..”
• “to
  love is to be in communion with the other, and to discover in that
  other the spark of God..”

hmm.. isa pa, pwede kang maglingkod kay God sa maraming paraan, kahit nasaan ka pa.

April 30 - May 2 - For One More Day by Mitch Albom
Pinahiram
sakin ni Nanay ‘tong book na to. Nung first day ng pagbabasa ko nito,
madaling araw na nung tinigilan ko, inantok na kasi ako at nakakatakot,
kasi nanaginip ako ng masama. Hindi ko alam kung dahil dun sa libro o
bothered lang ako. Muntik na kong hindi magising. Hindi ako sigurado kung dahil nga sa libro pero medyo natakot na akong tapusin. Abnormal talaga noh?
Pero tinapos ko parin. Hmm.. Malungkot. Marami akong narealize. Yung
worth ng family ko lalo na ng Nanay ko. Naiyak ako sa last part nung
book. Tama si Nanay, walang magtatanggol at magmamahal
sayo tulad ng pagmamahal ng Nanay mo. Somehow, naintindihan ko siya at
yung mga pains na dinaanan niya. Hmm, siguro kaya nya ‘to pinabasa
sakin..

eto yung ilan sa mga lines galing sa book na nag-strike sakin:

• "sticking with your family is what makes it a family.."
• "perdonare.." - "forgive.. yourself"
• "yes, you were a good mother."
• "you can’t lose your mother.."
• "i love you every day.."
• "i will miss you every day.."
• "secrets.. they’ll tear you apart.."
• "a child should neverhave to choose.."
• "..i
  also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely,
  above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you’ll never know
  what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you
  otherwise wouldn’t.."
• "But
  there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a
  scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes
  they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always
  your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins."
     
• TIMES MY MOTHER STOOD UP FOR ME
• TIMES I DID NOT STAND UP FOR MY MOTHER
      

I suggest na basahin nyo tong book na ‘to ngayon.. bago mag-Mothers’ day..
magreflect lang tayo kung kailan at ilang beses nga ba tumindig ang mga
Nanay natin para sa atin at tayo, balikan at bilangin nga natin kung
ilang beses lang tayo tumindig para sa kanila?

"..if
you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did
wrong in life, would you take it? and if you did, would you be big
enough to stand it?.."

kung ako ang tatanungin, YES, I’D
TAKE IT. pero hindi ko na paabutin pa sa point na may ireregret ako sa
buhay ko. ngayon palang, itatama ko na yung mga mali sa buhay ko bago
pa mahuli ang lahat. My advice to everyone, wag nyong hahayaang matapos
ang araw na may kasamaan kayo ng loob o hindi alam ng mahal nyo sa
buhay (lalo na yung parents nyo) na mahal nyo sila, kasi hindi nyo alam
kung kailan sila mawawala.

GOD BLESS EVERYONE and ENJOY READING..
 

ilang days nalang graduation na.. nakapagpapicture na kami kanina
(hindi pa kasi ako natutulog, kaya para sakin "kanina" yun) para sa TOR
at memorabilia.. tapos na rin magpa-clearance.. ansarap isipin na
hinihintay nalang namin mag-May 2-8 para makuha ang tickets, program at
toga namin.. at May 9 para magmartsa sa WTC. whew!

kasalukuyan
kong pinapakinggan yung cd na bigay ni tyrone.. (thanks, friend!)
naaappreciate ko yung effort mo sa paggawa ng album na yun..

kakaupload
lang ng mga pics ng porpor.. nakakatuwa talagang pagmasdan yung mga
ngiti at pag-eemote ng mga taong nakasama mo ng apat na taon.. WE’RE
MORE THAN CLASSMATES NA TALAGA!!

totoo ba ‘to? ilang days
nalang, ggraduate na kami.. kagaya ng paulit-ulit kong sinasabi,
nakakatuwa na nakakalungkot.. ganun naman talaga diba? nakakatuwa kasi
sa wakas, tapos na ang paghihirap namin.. ilang taon din ang binuno
namin sa pag-aaral.. nalampasan ang pamatay na thesis na halos sumukat
sa pagkakaibigan ng ilan, mga productions na nagpatindi sa samahan ng
klase, exams na pinasa kahit na ilang oras/minuto lang ang ginugol sa
pagrereview, reports na sa school na gumagawa ng visual aid at scripted
na pagtatanong at kung anu-ano pang madudugong requirements..
nakakalungkot, kasi kailangan na naming maghiwa-hiwalay.. :’(

andami
na talagang pinagdaanan ng pamilya ng porpor.. nasaksihan naming lahat
ang pagdadalaga at pagbibinata ng bawat isa.. at sobrang proud ako sa
section na ‘to! kung bibigyan man ako ng pagkakataon na bumalik ng
college, sila parin ang gugustuhin kong maging classmates.. walang
halong biro.. MAHAL NA MAHAL KO ANG BBRC4-4!! :’)

hindi man kami
laging champion, sa puso namin, syempre 4-4 ANG NUMBER ONE! alam namin
na sa lahat ng ginagawa namin, binibigay namin ang BEST namin at wala
kaming inuurungang laban..

SECTION 4:
ANG ASTIG, PALABAN AT SOLID NA SECTION NG DEPARTMENT OF BROADCAST
COMMUNICATION NG COLLEGE OF COMMUNICATION SA POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY OF
THE PHILIPPINES..

PINAGSAMA-SAMANG TALENTO NA TUNAY NAMANG MAIPAGMAMALAKI!

"WATCH OUT, WE’RE GONNA BE STARS!"

sabi nga ni punky, " ang 4-4, kahit hapit, MALUPIT.. kahit magulo, WALANG TALO!"

mamimiss ko ang mga tawanan, kwentuhan, workshop, iyakan, team-building
activities, asaran, balahuraan, kantahan, sayawan, photo shoot, out of
town, shooting, at marami pang bonding moments ng porpor.. hindi ko man
kayang isa-isahin dito, nasa puso ko yun lahat! :’)

naiiyak na ko sa cd mo tyrone ha.. ayaw nang tumigil ng luha ko..

para
sa BRATZ > THANK YOU SA LAHAT-LAHAT!! sa love, friendship,
pasensya, tiwala, company, bonding, sa mga gala at kalokohan.. kulang
ang mga salita eh.. basta, pagpray nyo yung balak natin.. hehe.. more
bonding moments ha?MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO, BRATZ!!

para sa RC 4-4
> ayoko mang maghiwa-hiwalay tayo, kailangang tanggapin na
dumarating talaga sa ganitong point.. basta walang limutan ha? hangad
ko ang kaligayahan at tagumpay ng bawat isa sa atin! basta FRIENDS TAYO
FOR LIFE OK? sana hindi maputol ang communication natin.. tsaka sana
makapagbonding naman tayo bago or after ng grad.. class pic pa..
maraming-maraming pic.. :)) hinding-hindi ako magsasawa sa pag-uupload
ng mga pics natin.. basta sana kumpleto tayo.. invite nyo lahat ng
mga naging classmates natin dati ha?

MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO, 4-4!!

THANK YOU NG MARAMI SA APAT NA TAON NA PUNONG-PUNO NG MEMORIES!!

wag nyo kakalimutan magpray lagi ha?

GOD BLESS sa ating LAHAT..

*maraming-maraming luha* 

Our flight to Singapore was delayed because of
mechanical problems. The 15-minute delay turned into 30 minutes, then
60-and then 3 hours. The ground staff was scrambling to calm the crowd,
but people were tired and soon became angry. As the night stretched on,
the crowd began to turn into a mob - screaming at the staff with harsh
language. The pilot even came to offer encouragement, but the crowd
turned on him as well.

As I watched the scene unfold, a Singaporean man standing beside me
softly said, "Patience will be a much-needed virtue tonight."

Life can be frustrating, even exasperating. Yet, many times impatience
is just a reflection of our own self-centeredness in response to life’s
disappointments. Real love is pictured in the Bible as self-sacrifice
(John 15:13), and one demonstration of that love is patience toward
others. "Love suffers long and is kind; love … does not behave
rudely, does not seek its own, it is not provoked" (1Cor. 13:4-5). It
sets aside our personal agenda and seeks to model Christ.

Sounds impossible? It is, if we attempt it in our own strength. But as
we pray for help, God provides us with patience that reflects His love
- even during frustrating circumstances. -Bill Crowder

When tempted to lose patience with others, remember God’s patience with you.

Read: 1 Corinthians 13

If you follow sports at all, you know that sports fans can change like the weather. A team’s star player can hear 70,000 cheering voices if he does well - or 70,000 booing voice if he messes up.

Sports figures easily fall from grace because people are fickle - eager to follow the one who makes them feel good, yet willing to turn against that same person if all does not go well.

Scripture contains an example of fickleness that is far more serious. A great multitude in Jerusalem praised, honored and cheered Jesus on the Sunday. He entered the city riding on a donkey (Matt. 21:6-11). But just a few days later, some of those same people may have been in the crowd calling for Jesus’ crucifixion (27:20-23). On Sunday they worshiped Him, but on Friday they didn’t want Him around anymore.

Let’s not waver in our relationship with the Lord. Sometimes we worship Jesus heartily on Sunday, but the very next day we live as if we find His presence intrusive. Or we tell Him on Sunday that we love Him, but then we fail to obey Him throughout the week. Don’t be a fickle follower of Jesus. Worship Him every day - not just on Sunday. - Dave Branon

Read: Matthew 27:15-23

Worshiping God should be a full-time experience.

Let’s not be fickle followers who say they love the Lord but live each day ignoring Him and His life-giving Word. -Sper